Life By Consensus

"Independence is loyalty to one's best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes." -- Mark Twain

This past Thursday I called my father to wish him a Happy Thanksgiving. He thanked me and then facetiously commented, "You know, your grandfather always used to say, ‘I don't know what all the fuss is about - it's just Thursday.'" For some this means, "Why celebrate? It's just another day." The way I look at it is why not celebrate every day? Why wait for a holiday!

Most people live in agreement about the structures that our major life celebrations should include. A story has been created for us of what to strive towards. Throughout our lives we build up strong, shared ideas about how Thanksgiving - or any holiday - should feel and look. Like a play on Broadway, these celebrations have several acts, certain characters and a predetermined length. There is even a stage set, painted to represent a particular environment. The problem here is that most people have effectively become actors in the play of their lives - and have no role in writing or directing the action.

This is what I call "life by consensus." Everyone around you decides that a day should follow a very particular storyline. Madison Avenue designs wonderful advertising, which we see on TV, billboards and in magazines. Hollywood produces fabulous movies depicting people following the storyline - adding a few car chases and sex scenes, of course. The underlying message: this is what your Thanksgiving/Christmas/Hanukkah/Wedding/New Year's Eve should be like. Otherwise you are not successful, you are not adequately loved, you have not achieved the dream. And there you have the fundamental pursuit - The American Dream - dreamed by people of all nationalities in their own ways. The Group Dream. That is exactly what it is, a dream, an illusory description of a life decided by consensus. Everyone dreaming the same dream like a mutant race of Arthur C. Clarke "HALs." Will I dream? Yes, HAL, but it won't be your dream, unfortunately, it will be the same dream everyone else is having. It's like a science fiction nightmare, only it is real. Just look around you. It's not only a nightmare, but a prison of sorts. It's a gilded cage, if you are able to successfully follow the storyline, but a cage nonetheless.

Freedom can only come when you are able to dream a story that is unique, when you have developed desires based entirely on your own goals, hopes and dreams. In order to create this dream, you have to learn a fundamental, yet hard to realize, truth about yourself. What is it that you truly want? What do you want, deep down in the core of your being? Ask yourself. Then you will begin to discover your driving purpose. Perhaps you crave the traditional holiday story - being busy all the time with friends and family. Have you ever wondered why? It may be an organic desire. But it also may be the key to a much deeper desire. For example, you may pack your schedule with friends and family because deep down you are desperately trying to feel filled with love. Or, perhaps you want to be busy all the time to prevent yourself from thinking about things you'd rather not face, like loneliness or despair or soul-sickness. Through this kind of self-exploration you may recognize that what you're really seeking, for example, is not a set of circumstances where you can feel loved only at that time and where you will be sufficiently distracted, but that you are seeking a feeling of love and fulfillment that is lasting and deep and not dependent on particular circumstances. This is important information about yourself that you should know.

Ultimately, the key is not to seek participation in the perfect dream, but rather, to transcend all dreams entirely. To seek that which is beyond the realm of stories that can be imagined by your limited mind.

On "Black Friday" morning, a day when stores traditionally offer large discounts on expensive items, a woman was trampled by fellow shoppers who were all wrestling over a single DVD player marked down to around $26.00. Despite her sister standing in the crowd screaming at the people to stop stepping on her sister, no one paid any attention. Now she's in the hospital being treated for her injuries. How could this happen? Why would a person want to own anything badly enough to stand on another person's body to get it? The answer is very likely, to possess something that will make the owner feel happy, as happiness is defined by the world. To have the coveted thing, an object that is valued because it is desired by others. Consensus shapes the majority of our wants and needs. For example, if your family were living alone on a desert island, your kids wouldn't need the latest toy, whatever it might be that year. You would park them on the beach and they would become fascinated by the millions of tiny, different shells, and the clams and the crabs running around and in and out of their little sand holes. "Need" is a very interesting word. Sure, there are things you need to have in order to live comfortably - a nice house or apartment, a decent car to drive, healthy food to eat. You need certain clothes depending on your job - suits if you want to get one kind of job, hip clothes for another. But what about the other things we start to want? Why do we want them? Have you ever asked yourself? Do you like that car because you actually like that car, or do you find it appealing because you know other people will be attracted to that car? Perhaps it's the "in" car to have that year. The same applies to clothes, or watches, or briefcases, or cell phones, or even dogs. It also applies to music and art. Other people's opinions largely influence our own tastes. Have you ever wondered what your musical interests might be if there were no radio or TV, no commercials, no dance clubs to predetermine what songs you hear?

How influenced by others were you when you made any of the choices that have shaped your life? It's chilling to consider.

So what happens if your holiday does not fit the traditional storyline? What if, instead of sitting around a crowded dinner table with your warm-but-kooky family (the Hollywood standard), you end up spending the holidays alone, as so many people involuntarily do? When the reality doesn't match the dream it can cause real pain. There can be great sadness and misery around these traditionally family-oriented holidays, but also around a holiday like New Year's. You're supposed to have an exciting celebration with friends or a sexy date, ring in the New Year with a kiss and too much champagne. The day after one of these dramatic, pre-written storydays - I mean holidays - nearly everyone is depressed. If the celebration precisely matched the intended outcome, then everyone feels sad that it's over. If the celebration didn't live up to expectations, then everyone feels sad that they didn't have the experience they desired. Either way, you feel miserable.

This is the fundamental problem with tying yourself to a particular outcome. You expend a tremendous amount of energy trying to match your personal circumstances to a storyline imagined by consensus. In the process, you do yourself a great disservice. First, you can't completely open yourself up to the potentially fascinating and entertaining experiences you might have if you weren't trying so hard to control life. It's like trying to make the ocean flow in a different direction or get the sun to rise an hour later. So you end up missing out on precious moments of your life, focusing on a possible future moment that may or may not come to pass. Second, you set yourself up for disappointment by only allowing for a specific set of circumstances to constitute success. Frankly, if you were to ask an Iraq war veteran's opinion, I'm sure he or she would tell you that if you lived to see the sunset, it was a successful day. How much more do we really need?

Experienced surfers paddle out onto the ocean on their boards early in the morning. Then they sit there, all day if necessary, waiting for a just-right wave. When the right wave comes, they get up on their boards and ride it, as long and as far as they can.

We can learn a great deal from surfers. We can approach holidays with a certain amount of appreciation for the fact that our life circumstances will not always flow in the way we expect. So we can just paddle out into the surf and watch and enjoy whatever we're experiencing. If a moment comes when circumstances are fortuitous for a particular drama to unfold, we can ride that, as far and as long as possible. But as long as we get out there, regardless of the outcome, it's a good day.

So, rather than trying to control the sun's path across the sky, let's take a more productive approach to life. Let's strive to learn how to better appreciate whatever experiences we are blessed to have, in all their strange and weird and funny and terrible and joyful manifestations.

I hope you all had a very Happy Thursday last week, and that you will enjoy equally wonderful storydays every day of the year, particularly on the days we have collectively agreed are special. However, I also hope that your holidays become much more than reflections of your ideal dream, but rather are beyond anything you could possibly dream up.

Life by consensus is the fate of the unimaginative. Life lived like a surfer riding waves on the ocean is reserved for the very lucky and the very brave.

Nicole Grace
November 2006

"Fly free and happy beyond birthdays and across forever, and we'll meet now and then when we wish, in the midst of the one celebration that never can end." -- Richard Bach

Satori Sciences is pleased to offer a new, extraordinary workshop that can increase productivity, improve work quality and contribute to a significant decrease in stress.

"When I was working on Wall Street, I would often head over to Trinity Church at lunchtime and, after munching a quick bite on the way there, would spend 30 - 45 minutes sitting quietly in one of the small wooden chairs of their tiny meditation room. This tranquil time, however brief, gave me a tremendous respite from the intensity of my day. Leaving the darkened, hushed interior of the church, I would make my way back to the office, replenished and ready to take on the challenges of the office with a renewed energy, balance and enthusiasm. I know many others that have found unique ways to renew their energy during their lunch break, some who found a quiet place to visit, as I did. With layoffs, threat warnings and increased pressure to break productivity records, it is an appropriate time for us to offer this very special new training for corporations and individuals: Peace Meal." - Nicole Grace

Peace Meal is a 45 minute-long meditation seminar, designed to accommodate busy workers on a tight schedule! During the workshop period, one of our exceptional master instructors, each with over 12 years experience of enthusiastic discipline, will teach participants stress-release exercises and non-denominational meditation techniques, as well as provide one or two guided meditation sessions. Held in your corporate offices, or in an outside location provided by Satori Sciences, the workshops will begin promptly at 12:10 p.m. or 1:10 p.m. and will conclude promptly at five minutes before the hour, ensuring attendees have time to return to their offices after their lunch hour has ended.

The only limit on participation is the size of the room provided. We recommend scheduling a series of four consecutive, weekly meetings at minimum to ensure that the participants have time to practice the techniques on their own, while learning how to integrate the material into their daily lives.

For more information about these sessions, or to schedule a meeting at your location, please contact our sales headquarters: info@satorisciences.com or 800-384-8815.

This unique half-day workshop provides attendees with a powerful introduction to meditation and mindfulness, taught by instructors with a minimum of 12 years of training and discipline in this art. The regular practice of quieting the mind has been proven to significantly reduce stress and feelings of negativity, as well as increase intellectual capacity and problem-solving abilities. The Art of Meditation offers a practical, non-denominational approach. (The Art of Meditation can also be combined with our Three-Fold Path to Mastery seminar for a transformational 1 1/2 day experience.)

During the powerful 4-hour session, attendees will learn:

• Several extremely effective techniques for quieting the mind
• Mindfulness
• Avoiding The Passion Reaction
• How to incorporate meditative practice into each day

*BREAKING NEWS*
Mastery At Work: 18 Keys For Achieving Success, Fulfillment And Joy In Any Profession has been declared the winner in the Best Books 2006 Book Awards in the category of Business/Motivation, by USA Book News.

From USABookNews.com:
"Mastery At Work is a rich and unique read. Combining Buddhist and Eastern traditions with modern day know-how, Nicole Grace offers readers an extremely satisfying well-written book sure to challenge and inspire you!"

Read more press and reviews about Mastery At Work:

New Connexions Magazine - "Editor's Picks"
"Combining spiritual techniques with business practices, Nicole Grace recognizes that leading an impeccable working life helps us to achieve personal growth. Her secret key to success—work as a spiritual practice and spiritual practice as work. Whether you work on Wall Street or as a street vendor, Grace’s techniques of 'acting as if,' detachment, and focusing like a warrior will help you to create a fulfilling work and personal life."

USA Book News
Mastery At Work is an enlightening and informative new book that is transforming the way people think about life and work. Drawn from proven business strategies and ancient spiritual teachings, Mastery At Work presents practical techniques anyone can embrace and use to work more productively and with greater skill, as well as to lead an uncommonly joyful life, regardless of daily circumstances. Based on The Three-Fold Path to Mastery philosophy created by the author, Mastery At Work describes the pathways that can lead to a life of success, expertise, balance and fulfillment. ["USA Book News covers unique books from both the mainstream and independent press. We look beyond the best-seller lists to find fantastic books that are worthy of attention."]

Balanced Living Magazine
Nicole Grace is one extraordinary woman: a former Wall Street executive and an ordained Buddhist monk and a black belt in karate and a former symphony orchestra violinist! More important, however, is the fact that her accomplishments are demonstrations of the program she proffers in her first book, Mastery At Work. Drawn from her experience in multiple spiritual disciplines, including martial arts, Grace distills her impressive 18 Keys into a Three-Fold Path (Soft Skills, Professional Skills and Continuous Improvement). Taken together, they comprise a powerful life-way, as appropriate for the longtime seeker as it is for the spiritual novice.

Almost all of us work, and work (especially nowadays) can be fraught with difficulties: lack of meaning, lack of security and frustrating relationships, to name a few. Grace, through this prism of work, is providing the public at large a process into deeper experience and understanding. This is a book you can give to anyone as an ultimate, self-guided, personal-growth method, whether or not they’ve ever uttered the word spirituality. To the degree that they embody and express the 18 Keys, they will open inner doors, and what they learn and experience will find its outer reflection. Mastery At Work is a book about mastery of life. It belongs on every bookshelf.
- David Langer

For more information about our life-changing, career-inspiring seminars, click here: http://www.satorisciences.com/seminars/index.html